


Raspberry

by MeltedIceAngel



Series: Seven Down [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambushes and Sneak Attacks, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apocalypse, Blood and Injury, Character Death In Dream, Chronic Pain, First Kiss, Gen, Gunshot Wounds, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Love Confessions, M/M, Near Death, Past Character Death, Spirits, Vomiting, Zombie Apocalypse, dream - Freeform, no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-09-30 16:56:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20450453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeltedIceAngel/pseuds/MeltedIceAngel
Summary: “I want to go on a walk.” Jaemin muttered as Renjun picked at the soil below him. What a bittersweet thing. Jaemin was still alive to want something he will never do again.





	1. Dense Trees

Renjun found that he had a talent for gardening.

It was a strange talent to find after so many of the crops had already died out and seeds and fresh water were impossible to find, but it only took a house with a well kept garden and dead occupants for him to cultivate it. 

There was something he found soothing about the monotony of it. Water, pull weeds, get the bugs off the plants, repeat. Sometimes it got interesting, like when they ran out of water and he had to throw on his bullet proof vest and thickest clothes to trudge his way out to the stream for more. It was in the middle of the wood, the one place that none of them dared to venture to unless they had to. All except Renjun.

He found his way there through a path he’d carved out with an old machete left behind by the previous house owner. It kept him out of areas dense with trees and brush, so while it wasn’t the fastest or straightest, it was the smartest. The only time he’d ever come across one of the dead on the trail had been when he came across a woman that had drowned in the stream, and even then it hadn’t been a huge ordeal.

The woman had been stuck in the mud, her leg buried and broken. He hadn’t paid her much attention, and when he’d returned, he made sure to boil the water for a lot longer.

Renjun spent a few hours a day tending to his garden. He cared for his plants as if they were something more important than tastier food. Better than the cans the family had left behind. He liked how when his fruits came through it left his family smiling and excited, even if the food didn’t last long and he rarely got to enjoy it himself.

He tried his best with strawberries and raspberries. There was still some left when they’d taken over the farm house, but they were gone quickly and he had yet to see results with the seeds he’d planted early in the spring. He tried his best with the berries, but it seemed that sweet food was still out of their reach unless Jeno and Jisung decided to run back to the city to find more cans.

“Don’t look so down,” Renjun turned from where he was pouting over his empty plants. Jaemin was standing over him with a smirk, Jeno not far behind just in case the younger needed his help. “We’ll survive on what we have, Injunnie.” 

“That’s not much fun.” Renjun said without humor, but he still pulled his lip up to smirk. Jaemin nodded and came to stand next to him, motioning with his head that he wanted to sit. Renjun jumped up and guided Jaemin carefully down into a sitting position, mindful of where Jaemin’s leg rested. 

“I would attack you with hugs and kisses but you’re too far away now.” Jaemin said when Renjun didn’t follow him and sit back on the ground. The elder huffed but sat down anyway, letting Jaemin lay his head on his shoulder.

“Where are Chenle and Jisung?” Renjun asked instead of acknowledging the tense air around them. Jaemin came out to talk to him, and Renjun didn’t want to talk.

“Probably getting freaky in their room. You know them.” Jaemin said casually. Renjun shivered at the thought. They may be twenty one years old now, but he still sees them as babies. Even if Jisung was the one practically making all of the group’s decisions, manipulated only slightly by Jaemin, he was still their youngest. 

“Lie to me next time.” Renjun responded. Jaemin chuckled but agreed. 

“I want to go on a walk.” Jaemin muttered as Renjun picked at the soil below him. What a bittersweet thing. Jaemin was still alive to want something he will never do again. “Come with me?” Jaemin looked up at him pleadingly, and Renjun knew it was stupid. Jaemin couldn’t walk, let alone go on  _ a _ walk. It would end up being the one time they came across dead in the general vicinity. 

“Where do you have in mind?” Renjun asked. “The front door?” He tried not to be so sarcastic over something like Jaemin’s injury, but it was crazy to think he was willing to risk his life for something as meaningless as a walk.

“The creek.” Jaemin suggested. 

“No.” Renjun said immediately. Jaemin flinched at his tone, but didn’t move his head from the older’s shoulder. 

“Why? You said yourself that you’ve never seen dead in there.” Jaemin tried to argue, but Renjun wasn’t listening. 

“We just saw three the other day. Walking right on the edge of the wood. They came to our door, Jaemin.” Renjun tried to reason, but Jaemin’s jaw set as he struggled back to his feet. He used Renjun’s small shoulder as leverage, his left leg doing the work his right couldn’t handle. 

“Fine, I’ll go by myself. I’m tired of sitting inside while you all get to go running around.” Jaemin was oddly fierce in his statement. Even Jeno was looking at him in confusion as Jaemin used his hands to bend his knee so he could limp on his own. 

“Are you drunk?” Renjun asked, expecting an answer but not receiving one. “Jaemin, you know I can catch up to you!” He said, finally standing up from where he’d been sitting. The soil fell back down and crunched under his feet as he ran after the other man. 

“I’m just supposed to live my entire life in that house?” Jaemin suddenly asked, turning back toward Renjun with fire in his eyes. They were wild, dark and angry. His teeth grinded against each other, and his body tensed like a wild animal ready to attack. Just like Jisung when that man had threatened Chenle. 

“I don’t want you to get hurt.” Renjun reasoned.

“I don’t want to live the rest of whatever bite of life I have left in that bedroom.” Jaemin countered, lowering his gaze toward the ground. He un-set his jaw, loosened his shoulders, and finally Renjun could see tears falling down his dirty cheeks. “I want to go somewhere.” Jaemin’s voice broke as he pleaded with Renjun.

“You should go with Jeno. Or Jisung. Hell, even Chenle would be better than me.” Renjun raised his arms as he spoke. He didn’t know what to do. If he was given the option between sitting inside for eternity or dying in the open world, he might have chosen to go out too. Even if it was a stupid decision.

“You’re the only one that knows the woods. I want to wash this off my face.” Jaemin motioned toward the caked on blood and dirt from their last run in with one of Jisung’s charity cases. Renjun sighed and pulled his balled up fists to his eyes. He wanted to scream. He was the only clean one out of their entire group and he knew that was because he was the only one with access to that much water.

But this could be the last conversation he has with Jaemin. What if those three dead were still there? What if he messed up, and he missed shots or couldn’t get them out fast enough? The trail was windy and hard to navigate on two working feet, let alone just one. Jaemin couldn’t even hop without his right leg tripping him. 

“Did you ask Jisung?” Renjun asked, wondering if their de facto leader even knew about this crazy idea. Jaemin just shrugged.

“Like I said, him and Chenle went into their room an hour ago and I haven’t seen them since.” Jaemin said, and it all made sense to Renjun. Jeno could never say no to Jaemin, not even when they were still living relatively normal idol lives. Whatever Jaemin wanted, Jaemin got. Renjun was easy to persuade with guilt. Jisung though? Well, Jisung had already lost too much to be tricked.

Jaemin knew that Jisung would throw a fit if he even asked. Chenle’s brush with death was still fresh in his mind, and their missing friends were always a main topic. Jisung would mention that he didn’t know the trail, that Jaemin couldn’t walk, that Renjun couldn’t carry Jaemin if he needed to. He’d mention that they had already lost track of Haechan and Mark, and he couldn’t bare two more of his friends getting lost. 

But if Jisung was upstairs with Chenle, he wouldn’t know. If Jisung was upstairs with Chenle, it would be hours until they’d come out. It could be all day before they saw them again. They for sure wouldn’t be making an appearance before they had the chance to leave, and they might even be able to make it back before then.

“I really don’t want to die today.” Renjun sighed, resigning himself to what was about to happen. 

“Me either.” Jaemin shrugged, starting his walk toward the wood again. Jeno handed Renjun his gun and bit his lip.

“Be careful.” He said, and Renjun could only nod. Jisung was going to tear him a new one. 

They walked slowly side by side. Jaemin hissed as they stepped off the road to begin their trek through the wood, and Renjun had to bite back his suggestion to turn around. Jaemin did stink, and he hadn’t seen more than that one dead since he’d started his walks to the stream. Besides, even if he did say something, it would just make the younger upset. He’d go without him, and then it would really be his fault if he got hurt. 

“So you made this?” Jaemin asked, referring to the carved out path. 

“Yeah. It took me a few days.” Renjun could barely respond through the lump in his throat. His hands were shaking and his eyes were flitting between each break in the trees. Jaemin’s limp was loud; loud enough he could potentially miss a sound that would signal something was nearby. Neither of them were wearing thick clothes, and Renjun’s bullet proof vest was laying against the desk chair in their shared bedroom.

“It’s pretty out here. I like the sound of crickets.” Jaemin tried his best to make conversation, but Renjun couldn’t open his mouth to respond. He wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t the biggest fan, especially since they made it hard to hear. That response wouldn’t satisfy Jaemin. If anything, it would make him more upset. 

Their walk finally began to draw to a close half an hour after it began. It took double the amount of time to make it there with Jaemin, but they made it. They  _ made it _ . All that was left was letting Jaemin wash the gunk off his body and the half an hour walk back home. He thought they might really make it back in one piece, and maybe even before Jisung came guns blazing over Jaemin leaving. 

Renjun was gentle as he helped Jaemin wash the blood off his face. There was a cut on his forehead that hadn’t been treated, but it didn’t look infected so Renjun just washed it and promised to cover it up once they’d returned. They still had bandaids somewhere. As the blood and dirt melted off Jaemin’s body, Renjun became acutely aware of the setting sun behind them. 

They left later than he’d thought. If they weren’t quick, they would run out of daylight before they could make it back. Renjun may know his way around expertly, but he had never taken the trail in the dark. 

“Damn,” Jaemin hissed suddenly, grabbing at his bent leg. Renjun’s whole body shook at the exclamation, his nerves frayed as if something had just jumped out in front of him. “Sorry, it’s been hurting a lot lately.”

“Your leg has been hurting and we just walked half an hour out here?” Renjun’s voice broke embarrassingly in his surprise, but even Jaemin couldn’t find enough humor to tease him for it. 

“I thought it would help.” Jaemin looked guilty, and Renjun knew he couldn’t be angry with him, but he was terrified. If it took half an hour to get to that point, would Jaemin’s leg hurting make it take longer to get back?

“Jisung’s going to kill me. I’m a dead man.” Renjun cried hysterically, balling his hair up into his clenched fists. “Can you walk?” He decided to say instead. Hysteria wasn’t a great motivator for Renjun.

“I’ll be fine.” Jaemin was lying. His eyes flickered between Renjun and his bruising leg as if he couldn’t quite settle on staring at either. Renjun helped Jaemin to dry his face with the sleeve of his own shirt before holding onto him as he straightened his leg. Jaemin shook, his eyes falling shut as the pain dizzied him. 

“Min?” Renjun asked. His heart beat frantically as Jaemin slowly reopened his eyes. 

“I’m okay.” Jaemin said, bending his knee and beginning to limp forward. Renjun groaned but followed behind, hoping that the sun would stay high enough to lend some sort of visibility. 

Forty-five minutes later the sun had already fallen below the horizon. Renjun could barely see the exit of the wood, but Jaemin was getting slower and slower the longer they kept going. They had braved through without a break, and it was obvious the younger was suffering for it. His knee was swelling up like a balloon, and his lost balance became closer and closer to fainting. 

“Injunnie,” Jaemin slurred. Renjun hummed, pulling Jaemin closer. Renjun had the younger’s arm wrapped around his neck, but it was slowly starting to slip with every step. 

Renjun knew they had to break the path. If they kept going it would take a few more winding turns to finally make it out of the wood, but if they walked straight it would only take a few more minutes at most. The ground was covered with fallen leaves and branches, and it was hard to see a clear break in the trees straight ahead, but they had no other option. They couldn’t back track on the path.

With a final nod to himself, he started forward into the messy forward shot to the house. 

The farther they went the easier it was to see why Renjun had avoided the area when he’d first made the trail. It was nearly impossible to navigate, especially with all of the odd patches of grass and even a few dry footprints in the dehydrated dirt. It looked like someone had been there recently. 

Renjun could see the house through the trees. They only had a few more steps and they’d be there. After that it was just crossing the street and then Renjun could collapse and finish hyperventilating from the safety of their front porch. Jaemin was becoming heavy and limp in his hold, but Renjun couldn’t stop. 

He heard them before he saw them. The people who made the footprints in the dirt off the trail. Twigs snapped with their footsteps, leaves crinkled as their feet shuffled along the ground. Renjun paused. He couldn’t lead them back to the house, but he couldn’t just stand out in the open with Jaemin sinking in and out of consciousness on his arm. 

The men made his decision for him as they appeared through the dense trees. They were unfamiliar, even in nationality. They were clearly not Korean, and he would feel confident saying they weren’t of Asian decent either. They opened their mouths to speak, but the language was foreign and harsh; nothing that Renjun had heard before. 

“Колени!” One of the men shouted, and before Renjun could process his knees were being kicked out from behind him. He landed with a thud, the air flying from his lungs. For a brief moment he couldn’t pull anymore air in, and he wondered briefly if he would suffocate before the men had a chance to kill him themselves. 

Jaemin fell next, but he didn’t stop at his knees. He collapsed, dead weight, into the ground. He fell facing Renjun, and to his horror, he realized Jaemin had fainted. His breathing was shallow and fast, not helped by the way a boot seemed dangerously close to crushing his ribs. 

“Why?” Renjun asked. The men didn’t so much as glance at him. They were speaking amongst themselves, and Renjun used to opportunity to sneak a glance at their house across the street. Jeno was still outside, sitting on the stairs up to the porch. His eyes were trained on the wood but they were still too far back to be clearly seen. If it wasn’t for the flames licking at Jeno’s worried face, Renjun wouldn’t have been able to see him either. 

How could he signal Jeno without being caught? They weren’t exactly paying attention, but anything loud or bright enough to signal would be caught by them. The men were armed, and he didn’t find it wise to challenge five armed men with Jaemin unconscious next to him. 

A flash of Chenle on his knees hit Renjun as a gun was held to his head. It seemed they decided what they wanted to do with them. He bit back the tears that wanted to fall, but he couldn’t stop the way his body shook noticeably as the man’s finger shifted to the trigger. 

The sound of a gunshot boomed through the trees, making Renjun’s ears ring and eyes lose focus. The man in front of him had been shot through the shoulder. Renjun watched as the man crumpled to the ground, followed by the other four men that had surrounded him and Jaemin. Someone had found them. Someone had saved them.

“Renjun!” A familiar voice shouted, loud and full of  _ dread _ . “ _ No _ , Renjun! He was shot!” The voice shouted, and it was then that he realized he was no longer on his knees. He was laying on his back, a wet and sticky spot forming on his right shoulder. A face entered his line of sight, one of the lost faces from so many years prior.

“Donghyuck?” Renjun whispered, coughing over the blood pooling in the back of his throat. He’d bitten his tongue when he’d hit the ground, and he felt that more than the gaping hole in his shoulder.

“Oh God, help me!” Donghyuck was screaming as he rolled Renjun over onto his side. The younger groaned at the pain that shot through his right side, his vision momentarily blacking out. Donghyuck smacked him repeatedly on the back, forcing the blood up and out of his windpipe and onto the dirt below him. 

“Jaemin’s not breathing!” Another voice said. Renjun tried to focus, but he was losing his grip on wakefulness. “He threw up!” 

“Renjun! Jaemin!” Jeno’s feet pounded on the ground, followed quickly by Chenle and Jisung. Renjun tried to look up at them. He was shaking, the pain hitting him more and more the longer time went on. His stomach flipped as Donghyuck stuck his finger into his mouth, digging more blood out and letting it fall to the ground. 

“Renjun, don’t fall asleep.” Jisung said as he fell to his knees next to him. He pressed a cloth to the bleeding wound on his shoulder, making his stomach revolt and vomit come spilling out and onto the youngest’s pants. Jisung didn’t flinch, instead taking Haechan’s place as he dug the vomit out of his mouth. 

“He’s breathing! Oh thank  _ God _ , Jaemin.” One of the other voices said. With the knowledge that Jaemin was alive, Renjun allowed his eyes to close. He was so tired. 

“Renjun, don’t fall asleep!” Jisung shouted, pinching his side in a desperate attempt to keep the elder conscious. His eyes stayed closed, and he fell into blackness with the sound of Chenle sobbing in his ears. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ask me questions: https://curiouscat.qa/gypsyether


	2. High Brush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hold on, Injunnie. Please, they’re going to be here soon.” Jaemin begged, but the panicked hyperventilating had already slowed to a troubled inhale and exhale. “Please, don’t leave me again.” Renjun pulled his hand from Chenle’s grasp and held it to Jaemin’s tear covered face. They stared at each other for a long moment, just enough time for his vision to start clouding over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:  
Mentions of minor character death  
Blood and violence
> 
> Dream sequence in the first half of the chapter. If you find yourself lost, I tried to emulate the idea of dreams constantly shifting and changing scenes and people.

Renjun dreams of the days when his hands were covered in paint rather than dirt and blood. Back even before he’d purchased his new iPad and Procreate to draw digitally. He dreamt of cracking red, wet yellow, and smearing blue as he painted a sunset against the window that looked out of their cramped kitchen. 

Chenle had watched in amazement as the piece came together. Their little artist, he’d called him despite being so much younger. Renjun hadn’t paid him much mind until he’d finally painted his last stroke of pink, deeming the picture complete. He stared at it for a long while, judging the way some colors hadn’t blended properly or how lopsided one of his trees looked. 

Chenle though had just hopped up from his chair and started gushing over it. How the sky looked exactly like that night’s sunset, how it made him feel peaceful and warm, and how even the dark silhouetted trees added to the beauty despite also knowing how scary trees are at night. Renjun blushed and thanked him, and in the end, that painting was hung up in Chenle’s room in Shanghai. 

Renjun found himself standing outside their house in the middle of rural Daegu, his heart pounding as Chenle was thrown on his knees with a gun pressed to his temple. His hand itched to grab his gun, but he heard Jisung’s words flying through his head. 

_“We can’t be like them. What good are we if we don’t care for others?” _

Chenle was screaming, tears falling thick down his cheeks as he begged for the man to drop his gun and let him go. He yelled for Jisung, for Jaemin, and Jeno. He yelled for Renjun as their eyes caught, and for a moment the elder couldn’t breathe. He had his gun in his hand before he could change his mind, but before he could even hold it up to aim, Jisung had already shot the man dead.

As fast as it had started, it was over. Two bodies laid sprawled out on the ground while Jisung wheezed through his anger in front of them. He became stoic as he walked forward, ignoring Chenle’s terrified face and ripped the food out of the dead woman’s hands. 

The scene in front of him morphed again to a less familiar one. It was dark, well past sunset, and they were surrounded by dense trees and brush. They were walking slowly, heads ducked underneath the tall bushes enclosing them. They had just managed to escape a horde of the undead, half of which had been able to run after them. 

“Shit, they’re here!” Mark had whispered from the front of their formation, causing everyone to pause. The scene shifted again, and Renjun found himself up high in a tree watching as the dead sniffed the air and screamed at the smell. They knew they were there, but they couldn’t find enough strength in their emaciated arms to climb up. 

It wasn’t until Ten and Yukhei set off a fire of gunshots that the dead roared and raced off toward the sound. Everyone stood still, barely breathing as the dead’s footsteps became farther and farther away. Chenle shifted on the branch he and Renjun shared, and he heard it. The snapping of wood.

It should’ve hurt when he hit the ground, but he didn’t feel it. One moment he was up high and the next he was lying flat on his back with his head buried in Chenle’s bent legs. He could hear Jisung’s screaming become muffled as one of their group covered his mouth, afraid that the dead would return if they became too loud. 

He may have blacked out, but one moment all was quiet and the next Chenle was screaming for Jisung. Renjun tried to reach out to him, but he couldn’t move. Nothing hurt like he knew it should’ve, but he felt the ghosting of pain that he knew wasn’t real. He couldn’t feel his right arm or legs, and his face began to tingle as the scene in front of him shifted again.

This time, he was still laying on the floor of a dark woods, but it was _ their _ wood. The one across the street from the house they’d found. He turned his head this time, mindful of the gaping hole in his shoulder. It wasn’t Jaemin laying next to him, but that didn’t surprise him.

What did surprise him, was that it was Chenle, facing him with his eyes wide open and blood splattered all over his face. There was a hole in his temple, right where the man had held the gun and threatened to shoot. Renjun wanted to scream, but his throat was full of something that pooled and choked him. He tried to turn himself over, but his arms were too weak to lift himself.

He coughed around the metallic taste, blood shooting up and creating a similar splatter on his face that Chenle adorned. He couldn’t breathe. Chenle was dead. He was going to die. 

Where were Jaemin or Jisung? Or anyone for that matter? Chenle was dead, and there was no one around to see it except him. He was going to die, and there was _ no one _ around to see it. 

Suddenly, Chenle’s hand was in his own, squeezing tightly. He still had a hole in his head, but his eyes were searching his own as they lay together. Renjun squeezed his eyes shut, letting the tears fall as he gargled blood and tried to spit it out. For every bit of blood he spits up or swallowed, more took its place. 

“It won’t hurt,” Chenle said, clear and crisp as if he hadn’t been dead for hours. Renjun cried out, fear clawing at his heart. He wanted Jaemin. Hadn’t Jaemin been there? Where did he go? Why was no one there to _ help _ him? He had saved so many of their lives, and no one was there to see the end of his.

The scene in front of him melted away as the blood in his throat finally became too much to breathe through. Chenle lowered their hands to the ground but didn’t pull away. Renjun choked audibly, coughing and sputtering as the liquid seeped out of his mouth and fell into his nose. He stopped breathing as the world blacked out once more, Chenle’s voice in the background soothing him as if he were just falling asleep.

“Why are you here?” A voice asked as he came to again, his eyes taking a moment to adjust to the blinding sunlight. He was back in his garden, the one he spent far too much time in desperately trying to grow those strawberries Chenle loved so much. 

His heart lurched as the figure turned around. It was Ten, face put back together as it should be. Renjun couldn’t bear to think about the last time he’d seen his older friend, the one that gave his life to save his own after he’d fallen out of that tree. 

“Why are you here? I didn’t die for you just for you to die two years later.” Ten repeated. Renjun sighed, wiping at that tears that fell down his clean cheeks. The hole in his shoulder was gone, he noticed. It didn’t hurt to pull his hand up to his face, nor to put it back down by his side. 

“Where’s Chenle?” Renjun asked instead of answering Ten’s question. 

“Shouldn’t you be asking about Jaemin?” The elder said, and suddenly Renjun was able to separate memory from his dreams. It hadn’t been Chenle with him in the wood when he’d been shot, it had been Jaemin. In the back of his mind, he’d known, but the world had been fuzzy in real life. In his dream, it had been little more than white fog and static. 

“Is he dead?” Renjun asked. “Am I dead?” Ten just chuckled, kicking at the strawberry plant Renjun tried so hard to grow.

“You can’t die. I died for you to live your whole life, not for you to die from a _shoulder _ shot.” Ten said it so casually that Renjun’s frustration died out. He’d lived those two years knowing that Yukhei and Ten had sacrificed themselves for him and Chenle, but he didn’t realize how deep it was. Renjun wanted to live, but he didn’t _ have _ to live.

“Jaemin?” Renjun asked again, needing to know what exactly he’d be going back to. 

“Is fine. He choked when he threw up.” Ten explained, looking away from him. Renjun watched as Ten pulled the strawberry plant up and out of the ground. He twisted it around in his hands before handing it to the younger. “You can’t die until you grow a full plant of these. Got it?” Ten asked, and the tears hit him again. 

“I can’t,” Renjun said.

“Then you can’t die.” Ten shrugged his shoulders. Renjun crushed the plant between his fingers. He wanted to say something; thank Ten for the opportunity to live his life maybe, or just tell him that if he got his third chance he wouldn’t mess it up again. He didn’t get the chance, he opened his mouth to speak and let it fall closed again as Ten vanished with the garden. He was left in blackness once again.

The pain was overwhelming as he opened his eyes. He cried out as someone started yelling, so many names he hadn’t heard in years mixed with ones he heard daily. His head hurt almost as bad as his shoulder. 

“Jun, you’re okay. Calm down, baby.” Renjun cried as he took in Jaemin’s worried face looming over his own. He didn’t look like he’d been close to death like Renjun remembered from that night. “Jisungie and Mark-hyung are bringing medicine for you. You just need to hold on, okay?” Jaemin said.

“我害怕,” Renjun said. _I’m scared. _It was obvious Jaemin didn’t understand, but the other didn’t move even when Chenle came to sit on his other side. Chenle spoke soothingly to Renjun in Chinese, words that encouraged him to stay awake despite the pain. Words that slowly worked to convince the elder that he would be there the whole time they waited for Jisung and Mark’s return. 

“我死了吗?” _Did I die? Am I dead? _Chenle paused at the question. His breath hitched along with Jaemin’s, both of them sharing a look before looking back at Renjun.

“Why, baby?” Jaemin asked.

“Ten. I saw Ten.” Renjun whispered. They looked at him both in shock and disbelief but didn’t respond to his statement. 

“You’re okay now,” Jaemin responded instead, brushing Renjun’s sweaty bangs off of his forehead. 

“He was mad at me,” Renjun said. Jaemin and Chenle shared another look, and before Renjun had a chance to continue, the two of them laid down beside him. 

“He would never be mad at you, Injunnie.” Jaemin tried to soothe, but the elder shook his head. 

“I died, right? He said he didn’t die just for me to die later.” Renjun’s heart pounded at the way Jaemin and Chenle refused to answer his question. They danced around it like they would a spider on the slippery kitchen floor of their dorm. The question was dirty, ugly, _scary. _Their avoidance answered him better than any verbal confirmation. 

“Mark and Jisung should be back soon.” It was Jungwoo that interrupted. Renjun took a moment to look at him. He looked unharmed aside from an ugly scar on the bottom of his lip and a few bruises on his exposed arms. His clothes looked new, fresh off the hanger. A light yellow shirt, faded jeans, and dirt speckled shoes. They’d lived well. Better than the remaining youngest of NCT. 

“Thank you, hyung,” Jaemin responded after the uncomfortable silence dragged on for too long. The other nodded and walked out, leaving Renjun to stare dizzily at the door he’d walked through. It was familiar, painfully so. They brought him back to the house they had found despite the threat of death and _ people _outside. 

“Min, I can’t-” Renjun choked over his rising panic, his left hand coming up to grab at his neck. Chenle caught Renjun’s hand and held it tight to his chest. His eyes searched Renjun’s, and for a fleeting moment, he was hit with the memories of the time they’d fallen out of that tree. When he and Chenle couldn’t move, even as the sound of screaming dead loomed closer and closer. 

He wanted to grab Chenle’s other hand, hold it tight and squeeze it with all the strength he had left, but he couldn’t move his right arm. Instead, he let the feeling of Chenle’s breathing soothe him. His chest rose and fell with life, something that Renjun found almost scarily out of his reach. He was tired, with a tight chest and pain racing down his side. 

“Hold on, Injunnie. Please, they’re going to be here soon.” Jaemin begged, but the panicked hyperventilating had already slowed to a troubled inhale and exhale. “_Please_, don’t leave me again.” Renjun pulled his hand from Chenle’s grasp and held it to Jaemin’s tear covered face. They stared at each other for a long moment, just enough time for his vision to start clouding over.

“You’re home with _me_, Renjun. Don’t go.” Jaemin begged with his teeth clenched tight as he tried to keep Renjun’s gaze solid on him. “Don’t go. Don’t go. _Don’t go_.” Jaemin sobbed, burying his face in Renjun’s injured shoulder. Blood smeared on his cheek as he kissed the skin surrounding the wound, his tears burning the sensitive skin.

The door burst open as Renjun’s hand fell from Jaemin’s face, bouncing on the soft mattress below him. His eyes stayed open in slits, but his breathing had stopped. Jaemin was straddling him as soon as his eyes clouded, two hands pressing desperately into a chest that hadn’t expanded fully for almost three days.

“Renjun!” Jaemin yelled, tilting Renjun’s face back to open up his airway. He connected their lips desperately, forcing all the air in his lungs into Renjun’s still ones. He lifted himself back up, crying out as he pressed down on a still heart with so much pressure he was sure to break ribs. It only took a minute, but it was long enough for the occupants of the room to drop what they’d brought in their despair. 

“Get up! Hurry!” Jaemin yelled as Renjun’s heart pulsed gently under his fingers. Mark and Jisung were lifting the supplies off the ground as quickly as they’d dropped them.

“We found this!” Sicheng shouted as he burst into the room. It was a small box with the words _portable defibrillator_ in English on it. Mark grabbed it from him quickly, tossing it over to Jaemin as Renjun’s heart gave out again. He placed the pads where the directions said, not bothering to call anything out before pressing the button to deliver a shock.

The room was eerily quiet as they waited for a determination from the machine. When no second shock needed reading was given, Jaemin placed his fingers back to Renjun’s neck. His heart was beating, steady and _there _under his fingers. His body shook with adrenaline, his heartbeat erratic and painful as he sagged back onto the bed. 

Chenle was buried in the corner between the bed and the wall, his hands covering his ears as he cried. Jisung handed over the supplies to Jungwoo and collapsed next to Chenle, bringing the elder into his arms. Jaemin could barely hear the crying of their second youngest over his breathing. He almost lost Renjun a third time. 

He couldn’t do it again.

“Little pipsqueak sure is strong.” Someone said from the back of the room. A few chuckles were shared, and that seemed to break the spell that Renjun’s near-death had put them under. Jisung and Mark set up the IV they’d found from the hospital, allowing the antibiotics to flow through him and work to clear up the infection raging through the wound. They cleaned it and stitched it up finally, a messy job done by shaky hands with no experience, but the wound was closed. 

With a gauze pad placed over it, Jaemin was finally able to breathe. Renjun wouldn’t die. He couldn’t die, not after all the work they’d gone through to find and use those supplies. 

“Where’d they find this?” Jaemin asked, motioning toward the defibrillator laying at the foot of the bed. “We could’ve used it earlier.”

“They brought it back with them.” Sicheng motioned toward Jisung and Chenle. Jaemin bit his lip but didn’t say anything. There was no point in bringing up Jisung and Mark’s hesitation. 

They hadn’t even brought the thing upstairs, despite knowing that Renjun had already stopped breathing twice before they’d even left. 

He wanted to cry. He wanted everyone to walk out the door and leave him there to cry over all the shit he caused. If he had just stayed home like Renjun had said none of it would have happened. The logical side of Jaemin’s brain argued that the men would’ve just came to their door regardless, but maybe it wouldn’t have led to Renjun being the one to flirt with death. 

He leaned down, pressing his forehead into Renjun’s. Jisung cared more for Chenle than the rest of the group, so he should have no shame thinking that Renjun’s life was worth more. It was the way the world was, _right? _He loved his group, he wanted them all to live, but if he was given the option he knew who he’d pick.

Despite the stares of everyone in the room, Jaemin leaned down more until he could connect his and Renjun’s lips. They were chapped and dry, just like Jaemin’s, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care because they were still warm. Even when he pulled his lips away he didn’t pull his forehead back. His tears were dropping thick and wet onto Renjun’s face, making it look like the elder had been the one to shed them. 

“Jaemin-” Chenle whispered, but no words followed. Jaemin didn’t move to ask what he’d wanted to say either. Eventually, Jisung guided Chenle out of the room and into the hallway with the rest of the group. Jaemin could hear the way Chenle was begging Jisung not to leave them alone, how Jaemin couldn’t be by himself after all that happened.

But Jisung understood. Jisung had watched Chenle nearly die more times than Jaemin had ever watched Renjun, and he understood that desperation to just be alone. 

“I love you,” Jaemin whispered, pressing his lips to Renjun’s again. “I love you, don’t leave me.” Jaemin knew he couldn’t hear him. He knew that Renjun was far away from him again, lost in a sea of dreams, or that dark, inky blackness Jaemin knew so well. 

He collapsed onto Renjun’s left side, jostling his leg painfully. He groaned as it popped, the pain from leaning on it so long hitting him hard. He laid his head down on Renjun’s pillow, breathing deeply to try and calm the nausea that dizzied him. He managed to fall asleep at some point, that time without the fear of Renjun being gone once he woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ask me questions: https://curiouscat.qa/gypsyether


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